That's Just the Way It Is

Update to Jaw Surgery Update

2009-10-07T22:15:00.010-05:00

I found some pics that I had taken about a week after my surgery and just thought I would post them for whoever was doing research about Orthognathic Surgery (see previous surgery posts as well). Even though I looked fairly normal, I was in a ton of pain for about 3 weeks before the swelling really started to go down. Seeing these pics might make you feel a little bit better though. The best advice I can give you is to take Advil (3-4) every 4-6 hours and keep ice on your face at ALL times. This helps with the swelling and the faster the swelling goes down, the less bruising you get and the better you feel.

Day 7: This was me before my 1 week follow up appointment with the surgeon. Disclaimer: he did say that I was healing a lot faster than most other people who had the same types of surgeries. And he was surprised that I was already looking so good.

These next pics were taken the next evening...so 8 days after surgery.

I really hard to work hard to smile...almost exhausting...and I couldn't get each side to work at the same time.

Day 10

View of the contraption holding my mouth together. Not visible: 16 screws, four metal plates and a piece of human bone.

Approximately 12 Days After the Surgery

The Only Outward incisions that were made, one on each side. The inside of my mouth was totally mutilated though.

I you are thinking about having the surgery, I hope these pictures help you make whatever
decision is right for you. Good luck!

Weddings Do Not Equal Gymboree

2009-05-11T14:28:00.004-05:00

We requested no children at our wedding. Not that they always ruin things, but the potential for disaster is certainly there. Some family members were a little upset at first, but we were getting married in a historic property and opted to tell people "It's a grown up party and will be very late and we will be serving alcohol and its just too much of a liability to invite children"...making only one exception for one of my bridesmaids who had a newborn and was coming in from out of town.

I believe that it is the couple's preferrence, our's happened to be no and I think it is ridiculous that a guest would argue that. I've been to weddings before where kids screamed the whole time, messing up the video soundtrack...at another, a nine year old girl decided that she wanted cake before it was time to cut it and stuck her hand it AND knocked it on the floor. How bad would you have felt if that was your kid? It could happen to anyone, I don't care how well-behaved you think your kids are.

People spend a lot of money on weddings and want them to go well. Knowing that at least those types of situations could be avoided, we had no problem saying no. If people still bring their kids, knowing that they are not welcome, they should be asked to leave...Same with plus ones who weren't invited, but that's a whole different story. It's your party and you're paying for it and it should be how you want it. If they can't oblige, maybe they shouldn't come either.

It makes me kind of sad for those parents who can't stand to be away from their kids for ONE night. Do you not have any identity away from them? We get it, you're a mother, but seriously one night apart would probably be best for both of you. Take the request with grace and hire a sitter. You don't see me cutting in line in front of your kid for the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese.

Definitely Worth It!

2009-04-20T08:52:00.004-05:00

The surgery was definitely worth it. I can't imagine not doing it now. I was terrified before hand because it just sounds weird and invasive. They had to completely detach my upper jaw from my skull, break it in half, put bone grafting material in the roof of my mouth and reattach everything with four metal plates and 16 screws. The surgeons moved my bottom jaw back and straightened it; it is attached with 4 screws on each side. It all just really sounds gross!

Anyway, after I got over that and just let it happen and trust that my surgeon knew what he was doing, things got much better. I went back to work after only one week. I wore ice packs all day, but I was there. The best thing I did was keep a steady supply of Advil in my body. As soon as it started to wear off, I would notice the swelling starting again. I also took liquid vitamins, so that I would heal faster. Honestly, the worst part about the recovery wasn't the pain...it was having my mouth wired shut and not being able to eat, especially since it was during Christmas.

Before my surgery, my teeth were really crooked because my mouth was too small, now they are perfectly straight and I love it! I also would get migraines because of the tension in my bite because my teeth didn't line up and now as long as I wear my retainers at night, my headaches are pretty much gone. I went into the surgery expecting it to be horrific and luckily for me, it turned out better than expected. It wasn't a pleasant experience by any means, but I'm so happy that I went through with it and if I had it to do all over again I would. Good luck!!

Elephant (Wo)man

2007-12-03T04:38:00.000-06:00

As some of you may know, I went in for Orthognathic Surgery this past Tuesday...all I have to say, is that it has been my best (and therefore only) experience with totally invasive, mind-numbingly painful, terrible, awful, no-good, very bad surgery. I'm sure that there are plenty of things that are worse, such as getting your foot stuck in a bear trap or having a pack of small chihuahuas nibble off each of your fingers one by one. But trust me, this was no cake walk. I'm sure it's up there with childbirth and Chinese water torture.

This has been one of the worst experiences of my life...and sadly enough, it is all voluntary. There was no one that forced me into the hospital bed and held me down against my will. No, I showed up, early mind you, and eagerly awaited for the doctor to shred my delicate mouth skin with an exacto knife and break my bones and then wire my mouth shut so that I had to spend the whole week at home watching food network in absolute agony. What I wouldn't give for a chicken finger right now!

Obviously, I knew that they weren't going to use a magical surgery wand that they wave over your face, spreading pixie dust and perfection everywhere (if they do, I want the patent). I just didn't know that it was going to be this damn uncomfortable. This hurts, that's right, this hurts a lot and I'm not afraid to say it. Moving on...

I had an interior cross bite with an under bite, as well. See exhibit A below...

My lower jaw was offset to the left and my teeth criss-crossed. My bottom jaw protruded quite a bit and my upper jaw was very narrow. I have been told from the age of 6 or 7 that I would need to have surgery, but honestly it never bothered me. I liked the way I looked and only considered it after I got braces. The jaw pain and teeth grinding increased. I was going through a bite guard almost every month. Plus, I was told that if I were to get my braces off, then my teeth would just go back to the way they were because none of my jaw problems could be fixed without surgery.

This was a self portrait taken the night before the surgery. I'm not exaggerating the cross bite, but I'm not trying to hide it at all in this pic. Normally in pictures, I would slightly open my mouth and point my chin down to correct it.

Anyway, like I said I showed up to the hospital at 6 am. Like a naive little baby bird, I answered all the questions with a smile on my face and hope in my voice. (see below)

I met with several nurses and the anesthesiologist and finally my surgeon came in to go over any last minute questions. Of course, I couldn't think of any on the spot (my best advice: write down every question or concern and keep an on-going list to ask your surgeon). Then, they took my underwear (a girl feels very vulnerable without her underwear), hooked me up to a bunch of machines, shot some stuff that they jokingly called a margarita into the tube and whisked me into the OR. I remember lights and people talking to me and sticking things to me. Luckily, I was out before they put the catheter in (from what I have heard, that's "the worst part"). I call bullshit...

I woke up five hours later with someone else messing with me. I don't think I was supposed to be awake yet. They took out the catheter, which just felt like being hit "down there" with a giant rubber band. Don't get me wrong, it hurt, but it was not and definitely hasn't been the "worst part." At that point, I think they put me back under and I woke up again in a surprisingly cozy hospital room feeling quite lovely. See Below...

Not only did I look like a beast, I started acting like one too. I was sooooo hot (literally and figuratively, as you can see). The nurse had put little booties on me legs that were squeezing me repeatedly and like five blankets. I was still coming out of the meds, but I knew I didn't like what was going on. So, I started screaming unintelligible words (unintelligible to them at least, I felt I was being very clear indeed) and kicking my legs violently. My mom brought me a beautifully blinged out magna doodle that my friend Amber made for me and I wrote hot and pain. They took off those damn booties and basically stripped me down, gave me a shot of something fabulous and I think I was out shortly there after. Until they made me try to eat...

Shortly after which, I needed this...

Because I projectile vomited blood everywhere (including on my magna doodle). They had given me a little dentist sucky tube thing and I just used it like a vacuum to clean myself and most everything else up. Apparently, a lot of blood had drained into my stomach during surgery and the surgeon couldn't get a tube down my throat to suck it out. But I do feel the affects of said tube to this day. My throat constantly hurts, I blame the tube.

One week and lots of drugs later, here I sit about to go to my 1st follow-up appointment. Unfortunately, I fear that the worst is still to come. I loathe this little piece of plastic evilness that they have affixed to my teeth. It is a constant source of pain. Not to mention the swelling which, minus the lip plumping effects that I would have eagerly bought by the tube, makes my head feel like it is constantly expanding until one day it will just pop like an over-boiled egg.

I attempted to go to Walmart the other night and people just stared like I was Quasimodo. I did go at 3 am, which is a time that I suspect several Quasimodos would be tromping the aisles of Walmart...maybe that was the confusion. Anyway...

But now I must leave you, for I have sufficiently covered the key board in drool because my lips are numb and not as saliva-retentive as they once were. I will keep you updated on my progress. Thanks again to everyone who sent me cards and flowers and gifts and support and messages. That is one thing that really makes this whole ordeal more bearable.

Mama Emily's Famous Grilled Chicken

2007-07-24T14:33:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't necessarily call myself a great cook, but I have mastered a few things in my 25 years. One of which is chicken. Not like it's hard, but I make the best tasting chicken this side of the Rio Grande. (I think that's south of here. Yea, public school!) Here is my top secret recipe. If this is not the best chicken you have ever tasted, then you're probably just doing it wrong.

Ingredients:

Chicken Breasts
Balsamic Vinegar
Olive Oil
Basil
Garlic Salt
Black Pepper

Tools Needed:

Baking Dish
Basting Brush
Grill
Tongs

First, preheat oven to 350 degrees and start heating your grill.

Next, put chicken in the baking dish and add one part olive oil and two parts balsamic vinegar; season generously with basil, garlic salt, and black pepper (the liquid should almost cover the entire bottom of the baking dish. Bake at 350 for about 5 minutes.

Then, remove the chicken from the oven and brush both sides with the liquid; retain liquid for grilling. Place chicken on heated grill, flip often and brush on the remaining liquid from the baking dish; continue until done (times vary due to crazy growth hormones that have produced massive chickens, which in turn produce massive chicken breasts).

Last, serve with veggies, a fresh sprig of rosemary and a glass of sweet red wine, like a Shiraz.

Enjoy!

I'm BAaaack!

2007-03-02T10:15:00.000-06:00

Sorry that its been so long since I have posted. I got a promotion at work and don't have as much "free time" now. I know you missed me...Or did you!?

I have many things to share...in the short:

1. Christmas was great, lots of gift cards, getting a Dyson (yea!)
2. January--not much happened that I can remember, we had snow in Texas
3. Valentine's Day--my sweet boyfriend freaked me out with an engagement-looking ring. I still have nightmares about it, but I love my ring...oh yeah, and him too
4. Sing Song! Terrible!! Except for the Kai-O's who were amazing! I'm so proud!! But they really have to do something about the hosts and hostesses; they must be stopped
5. This weekend, going to the North Texas Irish Festival. yes, Gracie is going and I reserve the right to put a green feather boa on her

I'll keep posting because I know that my public needs me!

Back to My Statue Infatuation...

2006-12-05T15:25:00.000-06:00

Caption: Me and Ashbel sharing a moment...too bad Kara had to horn in!

I Call Him Stampy!

2006-12-04T14:31:00.000-06:00

I believe that his real name is Bone Crusher and that he is actually a she, but I had to get in that Simpsons reference.

This weekend, my boyfriend and I went to visit some friends of mine in Galveston. They have this festival called Dickens on the Strand. People get dressed up and some spend thousands of dollars on costumes and get really into it, which was somewhat alarming at times, but still a lot of fun...I didn't really get any pictures of them. I was more impressed with the animals. This little guy is an Alpaca:

I call him Fred...I'm sure that you may call him whatever you wish (I hear that he's easy).
This was Stampy's (a.k.a. Bone Crusher's) brother and or sister:

He/she didn't look that sad in real life. I think it might have been the flash from the camera...I hope...

All in all, it was a pretty good weekend, we drank guhlwine (pronounced glue-vine). I was hot spiced red wine. Pretty good stuff....And, also ate a ton of food, including these Twirly Taters that everyone mocked me for getting until they tried them. It was a cross between a chip and a fry. Unfortunately, I did not get a picture.

Disclaimer: Do NOT ask me, "What is on your feet?!," unless you have a death wish. It brings back bad memories of very cute shoes that turned on me and gave me very painful blisters that I couldn't drink away. So, I got emergency socks (the fluffiest that I could find) and Cowgirled-Up and worked them even through all the tears and fits of cussing. I feel that I am a stronger person now because of it and I will use it as a learning experience.

Moral of the Story: Sittin' Shoes are the Prettiest!

Trick or Treat!

2006-10-23T11:01:00.000-05:00

This year, Gracie wanted to be something unique for Halloween...Last year the lady bug was cute, but so unoriginal:

This year she wants to take a more unconventional approach. Here is choice Number One, Doggie Bag:

She tried to break free:

She was kinda getting upset with me by this point. This is her pissed off face. She's not growling, just whining, but she looks mad:

Next, this is choice Number Two, Little-House-on-the-Prarie-Dog:

Or maybe Aunt Jaemima:

She needs your help...Vote!

Bippity-Boppity-Boo!

2006-10-23T10:12:00.000-05:00

Ok, this is my latest pumpkin acquisition. Its called a fairy tale pumpkin.

Daniel bought it for me when we went to Central Market on Saturday morning. I have never been more excited about a pumpkin before in my entire life. I had to have it!

Here it is after I cleaned it with tire shine (it sounded like a good idea at the time):

And from a different angle:

But, this angle looks like a butt, and I didn't want ya'll to think I got a butt pumpkin...Its a beautiful pumpkin regardless.

My plan for this one is to draw huge pearly swirls all over it. Its a big task. I hope to get it done by Halloween. I'll keep you updated.

Swirly Pumpkin

2006-10-23T09:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I did this one with a paint brush, because I was too lazy to go buy paint pens...So, its a little messy in some spots, but if you squint while you are looking at it you hardly notice.

It also has some Swarovski crystal rhinestones on it that I had left over from another project. You can really only see them in person. This pumpkin is not very photogenic, but has a lot of personality.

Even the Monkeys Got Mavs Fever!

2006-10-16T15:49:00.000-05:00

This will be me on Thursday night...

http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mid=14875678

...British accent and all!

Pumpkin Couture

2006-10-12T11:07:00.000-05:00

I like decorating for holidays...Scratch that...I LOVE decorating for holidays! I don't go to the dollar store and buy tinsely garland and sit-around-crap. I prefer to have just a few great and interesting pieces that stand out.

I went to a pumpkin patch on Sunday and spent a good half hour picking out my three perfect pumpkins. I'm going to decorate them all as I receive inspiration.

I started with the littlest one. It was so cute before I started, but now its 100 times cuter!

Here's a picture of it without the feather, but it shows you how small and cute it is compared to the other pumpkins:

I'm also going to apply a shimmer glaze, but I'm gonna have to wait until I paint the others because it makes such a mess and I'd rather do them all at once.

Stay tuned for more pumpkin cuteness! For the next one, I'm thinking rhinestones....

A Tribute to Gizmo

2006-10-10T10:32:00.000-05:00

Gizmo, you are so sweet. The eyes say it all. Though you were often misunderstood for being so vocal, you always lived life to the fullest and brought such joy.

At first you were scared of me for two reasons beyond my control, but then you came to accept them and would let me hold you, but mostly for protection from Gracie and usually only when your momma was busy with something else. How you would bark at Gracie. Whether you were playing along or cussing her out, we both always loved to see you. We love you and will miss you.

Gizmo Turskey Vaught passed on October 9th, 2006 after a long, brave battle with cancer. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers. He was truly loved and will be missed greatly.

I Have a Confession...

2006-09-25T11:30:00.000-05:00

I have an overwhelmingly strong obsession that makes me pose with statues. I've been this way since I was a little kid. I see one, and I just can't stop myself. Even if I don't have a camera, I still have to go and sit or stand by it at least. Although they do make for good myspace pictures, I feel that this behavior may be abnormal. Don't judge me. I'm sure everyone has their own strange little compulsions...Please share.

My Grill Keeps Getting Better and Better!

2006-09-12T12:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, so those of you who know me, know that my mouth is totally whack (see previous post)...but its more than just my jaw. When I was little bitty, the doctor gave me an antibiotic for a really bad ear infection that I had. Something about the antibiotic interfered with the development of my teeth and all my molars came in without enamel.

At the age of 8, I already had to have major dental work...Coincidently, I had also developed a liking for laughing gas (who doesn't?); they would put the animal nose of my choice on there and then I would let them drill and cut and saw whatever they wanted. Anyway, I had temporary crowns put in and enough bling in my mouth to set off the metal detector at the airport after barely having just lost all my baby teeth. Since then, I have had an ongoing battle with dentistry.

I am what they call a special case (I am so sick of hearing that). I recently switched dentists and I had to fill him in on everything. He thought it was interesting; I think its ridiculous. I would get dentures if I could find a man to keep me in full supply of Polident for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I went to this new dentist because the orthodontist noticed that one of my crowns was loose. My old dentist had ok'd them not more than 8 months ago and charged a pretty penny to do so. My new dentist found that there were little holes and my crown had been broken for quite sometime. I had to have an emergency root canal and get a new crown. They put a temporary in while my new one is being made...What do you think?

He Likes Me!

2006-09-07T14:40:00.000-05:00

He's cute but might be a little overzealous...

http://chriscummins.com/like/

Who Knew That History Could Be So Fun!?

2006-09-01T11:49:00.000-05:00

I am able to sleep so much better now that I know the origins of Velcro...Watch the whole thing, It's GREAT!

Don't Be Jealous...I Can't Help That I Gotz Skillz!

2006-08-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

This weekend was my friend Sarah's Birthday party. Her aunt threw her a wonderful shin-dig at this wonderful lake house. We ate, we drank, we went out on the boat...got some sun, hung out with friends, had a great time...it was so much fun, until...

I decided to drunk water ski. Sadly enough, this was the best picture. By the way, lake water does not taste as yummy as one might think.

My Favorite Band

2006-08-16T12:31:00.000-05:00

These guys are the new N'Sync. Check 'em out. They have the sound, the have the look, and man, can they dance!

My Vacation

2006-08-03T16:30:00.000-05:00

My jaw is all jacked up...at least that's what the dentist, orthodontist, and oral surgeon seem say (not exactly in those words, I paraphrased). When I was growing up, I must have forgotten to drink my milk one day, because one side of my lower jaw grew longer than the other side of my lower jaw. Anyway, it left me with quite a mess when I got older. My teeth grew to match my jacked up bite, and no matter how many retainers and expanders and whatever else I had, it wouldn't un-jack itself.

Every dentist that I have ever been to has told me that I need jaw surgery (Orthognatic Surgery). Basically, they cut out the inside of my mouth, saw my jaw bones into several different pieces and then stick it all back together with little metal pins. It sounds awful and painful, but I think it might be worth it. I grind my teeth at night so bad that it wakes me up sometimes, I have awful TMJ, and after braces have started moving my teeth around, I can visibly tell which side is longer now.

So, I am going to have the surgery at the beginning of next year. It is crazy expensive and not covered by insurance and takes several weeks to be able to move my jaws again and 6 months to 2 years to recover fully. I will be using my vacation days from work as recovery time. Fun! I might not get a tan, but at least I will get some drug-induced rest and lose all that holiday weight, since I won't be able to eat solid food for about two months.

Update on My Eye

2006-07-26T11:05:00.000-05:00

So, I'm not gonna go blind after all or have to wear an eye patch for the rest of my life (Yea!), but this whole thing has been quite an ordeal. In all, I have been to the eye doctor three times in a week and a half, and Lens Crafters calls me more than my own mother. Needless to say, next time I will be looking for a new eye doctor...I can't deal with the communication gap.

Here's how it all went down:

Saturday July 15th
1:30pm--Go to eye doctor, have ulcer, told I have to wear glasses and use drops.
2 pm--Fill Rx for drops, continue to wear sunglasses over regular glasses, get lots of weird looks.

Sunday July 16th
12pm--Go to Lens Crafters, try on almost every frame in the store, pick one, have to special order my lenses, get temporary lenses.
2 pm--Pick up glasses, decide that I hate them, order more glasses.
2:30pm--Have a BBQ at the pool and have to swim the whole day in my glasses, really decide that I HATE them.

Monday July 17th
8am--Get lots of compliments on them at work, I still hate them.
12:30pm--Go to another Lens Crafters and spend an hour trying on more frames, have them transferred.

(various compliments, comments, calls, and messages throughout the week)

Saturday July 22nd
12:15pm--Go to the eye doctor, no more ulcer (yea!), get new contacts to try.
2pm--Get home and try on new contacts, they make me so dizzy I can barely stand, call my eye doctor and leave her a nasty message (jk).
3:30pm--Go pick out new glasses, lenses are still not in, tell them that I think the Rx might be a bit off and to wait to cut them when they do come in, walk around the mall while trying not to trip over my feet that suddenly seem like they are a lot closer then they normally would be, have my eye doctor leave me some new contacts for me to pick up and schedule yet another appointment.

Sunday July 23rd--Wear my glasses again--all day long.

Monday July 24th
12:45pm--Go pick up my new contacts, I can see again!!
3pm--Lens Crafters calls and says that my new glasses are ready, I call them back and cuss him out until I make the guy cry and apologize for not listening to me when I said "DO NOT cut them yet" (jk).

Tuesday July 24th
12:45pm--Go back to the eye doctor, my Rx has "miraculously" changed (it was either a divine intervention or she didn't want to admit that she had screwed up), she gave me the right Rx (finally!), and now I have sight--normal can walk a straight line, not make me sick to my stomach--sight!

Today, I'm going to get my new glasses. I think they are VERY cute but I hope to never have wear them again. I have officially started saving for lasik!

Don't Call Me Four-Eyes!

2006-07-17T10:37:00.000-05:00

I went to the eye doctor this weekend to get a new prescription for my contacts. It was all routine until she looked at my right eye. She freaked out and before I knew what had happened, she had put this neon yellow dye in my eye. She shined a really bright light in it and mumbled to herself (she has an accent so she's hard to understand). Then she went on to explain to me that I can't wear my contacts because I have an ulcer on my cornea. "Are you serious?" I ask while wiping the yellow goop off of my eye...she was serious. She gave me a prescription for some drops and said that she would check it again in a week, if it hasn't gotten better then I have to wear glasses until it does. Otherwise it could tear my cornea and I would have to get a cornea transplant or may go blind in my right eye.

I'm hearing her say all of this and all I can think is GLASSES...I don't want to wear my glasses...I hate my glasses!!! But I guess its better to be a nerd for one week than having to wear an eye patch for the rest of my life (again, the pirate thing is just not that sexy on a girl). Still, if I was going to have to wear my glasses, then I was getting new ones! New ones that made me look hot! Ones that said "I'm wearing my glasses becasue they are chic and sophisticated, not because I have to."

I returned a too-expensive dress that I had bought last weekend and went to Lens Crafters. Ok, so I'm picky, I can admit it. I tried on almost every frame in the store (including some children's and men's) and narrowed it down to about eight of them. I tired all of them on in a close-up mirror (because I couldn't see myself in the ones on the wall). I picked out these black ones...waited an hour...went to pick them up...looked at myself in them with clear vision...and HATED them. Well, Lens Crafters has a 30 day return policy...I can exchange them however many times I want in 30 days--no problem. Well, so I had to special order good lenses and special order frames, so I decided that these will have to do until the ones I want come in...but the good news is that my vision has gotten a little better...so that means that objects are now a little bit clearer right before I bump into them.

El Gato Blanco Esta Corriendo

2006-07-06T10:51:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I got this program that is going to teach me Spanish. It is called Rosetta Stone. It is supposed to teach you languages the same way that you learned to speak English when you were little. It just shows you pictures and phrases and by sheer repetition it helps you learn it. One thing it doesn't do is tell you what the words mean in English. No vocab and no grammar. I like to know what the words mean. So, my friend showed me this website that translates words and phrases. Its http://world.altavista.com/tr. It helps, but its not totally accurate. Here's a paragraph that I wrote in English and translated to Spanish and then back to English again, see if you can tell what I wrote originally:

"Today for the lunch, I go to gym. Attempt to go daily. The individual that explores my card is a little strange. It has the long hair, shaggy of blonde and to seem the individual of dumb and dumber. Its clumsy one to have to throw to the breeze with him because it maintains to my hostage of the card so me he cannot obtain far until it is to speak fact."

I hope no one actually uses this site. I think it would confuse people more than help them. I think I'll stick with my program.

Answer:

"Today for lunch, I am going to the gym. I try to go everyday. The guy that scans my card is a little weird. He has long, shaggy blonde hair and looks like the guy from Dumb and Dumber. Its awkward to have to shoot the breeze with him because he holds my card hostage so I can't get away until he's done talking."

Advice Needed

2006-06-28T16:07:00.000-05:00

This guy keeps asking my friend out and she doens't want to go out with him...but she also doesn't want to be mean and will have to see him afterwards quite frequently. Does anyone have any advice about letting him down easy? (the picture has nothing to do with the question. I just thought it was funny).

Tennis Update

2006-06-23T10:06:00.000-05:00

So, last Thursday was my last tennis lesson in the beginner's class. It was fun, but also a whole lot harder than it looks. I thought I had improved a lot, but I don't know that Coach Mike would agree. But whatever its not like "his way" of playing tennis is the only way--I have my own style, my own flair!

One of the biggest problems that Coach Mike had with my version of tennis is that I like to hop. Every time I would hit the ball, I would follow it with a little hop or even a leg pop (like where you just kick one leg back). I don't know why I did, it just seemed to happen so naturally. I would still hit the ball (most of the time, sometimes miss it entirely), so I don't think he really should have been on my case, but whatever. He did say that I had good foot work and that I reacted quickly, but I was definitely not the teacher's pet. Plus, I would frustrated and screamed near obscenities (like "dang it" and "crap") when I missed the ball.

The last lesson, we played doubles. Well, I had missed the class about serving because that was the day that I had contact trouble, so I made up my own style for that too (who really cares if it doesn't go in the "right" box). At one point, I went to serve and forgot to move my hand out of the way and I smacked my thumb and middle finger knuckles with my pretty pink racquet, which probably put another dent in it but more importantly in my fingers. My thumb was totally numb until the next morning and it still hurts to bend my middle finger. It turned all blueish purple and I showed Coach Mike and he said, "why doesn't that surprise me," to which I responded, "Oh, its been much worse, like the time that I got attacked by a foosball table." He was less interested in that story.

So, now that tennis is over, I can start going back to yoga again because the whole experience has totally knocked my Chi out of balance. I think the only reasons I will ever take tennis lessons again is if I: A) have a hot instructor (Coach Mike, not really a looker) or B) marry a rich doctor and need to be able to hold my own with the other country club wives (only half-way joking). Its not like I thought I was going to become (insert famous tennis player's name here) or anything, but at least I kinda know what to do now. I got a lime green tennis skirt (my power color) and I am playing a friend this weekend. So, even if I am not "good," at least I will look cute!

The First Step on the Road to Recovery...

2006-06-21T14:20:00.000-05:00

...is admitting that you have a problem. I am almost to step one. I have an addiction to crafts--like arts and crafts. I can't get enough and sometimes if I am bored, I will stroll Hobby Lobby for inspiration. But I can quit anytime, I swear...I just don't want to yet.

For the past week I have been making these little magnets (sorry I spoiled the surprise, Kara). They are so much fun to make. They are little and cute and just plain fun. It started out innocently enough. I saw them on a website and thought "I can do that." So, I bought all of the supplies, but just enough to make a few (recreational crafts). So, I started out with 50 and then 50 more and then 100 more and more and now I just can't stop!

I even went online and special ordered tins and designed my own labels, all just to give as little gifts. I grouped them in sets for my friends and they all have themes that are specific to that person. I also made sets that just have their own themes, like "love," "art," or "alcohol". Its kinda hard to explain, you really just have to see it to believe it.

I had to take a break because I think the fumes from the glue were making me high for real, but that can't stop me forever. I'll be starting again, just as soon as my brain cells recover. If anyone knows of a support group for this, please let me know...but I swear I can quit anytime I want.

Purse Day!

2006-06-13T10:48:00.000-05:00

Sunday was Purse Day--not an official holiday, but I'm making a motion that it be added to the calendar, though it doesn't come every year. In fact, I've been waiting many years (about eight to be exact) for the sweet arrival of Purse Day.

I recently got all of my finances in order and so I felt that I should be rewarded for that with something wonderful and extravagant, which is probably why my finances were out of order but all is well now. I was also saving some money for a cruise, but no one can seem to get it together, and I want immediate gratification to reward myself for being such a good saver. So, I won't be going on a cruise anytime soon unless my purse floats; but a cruise lasts only a week--a purse lasts a lifetime.

So, Sunday, Kara and Alan and I went to the Galleria to get my Louis in honor of Purse Day (you can't make that kind of purchase alone). I knew exactly which one I wanted, I've known it for eight years. I asked the man for the Papillon 30...looked at it...held it...moved it from shoulder to shoulder...but I didn't love it like I thought I would. I asked to see the smaller one (the Papillon 26), but I am so indecisive. I had wanted the 30 for so long, how could I just abandon it now?

I told the man that I didn't know yet and would decide after lunch. (By the way, we went to Grand Lux Cafe. It was amazing! Breath-taking!) I came back after lunch and decided (with little help from Alan or Kara) that I would get the 30, even though I still wasn't sure. After all, it WAS Purse Day, I had to get something.

I got it home and unwrapped it and took pictures, etc., but within hours, I had decided that I was going to take it back. I just didn't like it enough for the amount of money I had spent and for all of the other things that the money could have bought that I would love. I decided to exchange it for the 26--the 30 was just too big and not me. Kara and Alan agreed that I should have got the 26...why they couldn't have told me that when I was pacing around the mall trying to decide and asking every two minutes which one I should get, I don't know.

So Monday, I hurried to the Galleria on my lunch break to exchange it. I had to run in and run out (distracting from the true meaning of Purse Day), but at least now I'm happy with my purchase and I got some money back because the one I ended up getting is a little bit smaller. The one in the picture is the one that I returned, but it looks the exact same as my new one, just a couple of inches smaller. The 30 had a "buddy" (the little one on Gracie) that came with it; the 26 does not, but I think Gracie will be ok without couture.

Random Question of the Day:

2006-06-09T08:13:00.000-05:00

If you could be
any kitchen utensil,
which would you
be and why?

Style points count,
so be creative!

Likes And Dislikes

2006-06-06T11:50:00.000-05:00

Things I Like:

Taking a shower in the morning and then crawling back in my nice warm comfortable bed before the alarm goes off again
Playing tag with Gracie outside...its really funny. If I stop trying to tag her, she'll get really close and then run away like she's teasing me
A guy wearing a crisp white shirt, untucked
Deciding which pair of heels to wear in the morning
My extensive "cheap" jewelry collection
My limited "real" jewelry collection
Watching the Simpsons and Seinfeld reruns. Even though I have seen them all at least five times, they are still great
Running in the morning when it is still dark outside
My feather ball in my car. It makes me happy
Going out to nice lunches for work
Driving late at night when there are no other cars on the road
When I write my name really pretty or sign the perfect signature
Driving with the windows down
When I open my mailbox and find a catalogue
Going shoe shopping on my lunch break
Popping pimples (I know its weird and bad for your skin, but I just can't help myself)
Getting decent-sized perfume samples
Doing my grocery shopping at Walmart in the middle of the night when I know it won't be crowded
Happy Hour Margaritas
Telling people about my random thoughts and then them leaving me comments!

Things I Dislike:

People who don't do what they say they are going to do (aka Liars)
Playing phone tag
Having to be somewhere when I have a hangover
Checking my mail or email and finding that it is all junk
People who take their bad moods out on others
Styrofoam
Bad hair days
Bad skin days
Walking outside barefoot--hello, tetanus
Having nothing to do but this at work. I feel guilty getting paid for as much as I sit with nothing to do
People reading about my random thoughts and them not leaving me comments.

Sounds Gross...but Tastes Oh So Good!

2006-06-05T15:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, so my life is still pretty boring not much new to talk about...until lunchtime today! I had a bunch of errands to run and I needed a fast lunch. Well, I saw the commercial for the KFC Bowl last night (you know, the mashed potato-sweet corn-chicken-gravy-cheese concoction) and I had not been able to get it out of my mind all day long. This other girl at work had one last week and was also raving about how great it was. So, on my way back from the bank, I scouted out a KFC.

So, I pull up to the drive thru and order it. I wasn't sure what to call it and the menu is not very clear either about the exact title of it, so I said "mashed potato bowl thingy"--they knew what I meant. I opened it up and it smelled and looked so good. Even though they gave me a regular fork and not one of those sporks that I love so dearly, I devoured the bowl (not the bowl bowl, but the contents of it). I got so full so quick, I couldn't finish it all but it was soooooooo good! I am telling everyone about how great it is. So, KFC, if you are reading this, I expect my commission checks to start rolling in any day now. You're Welcome!

Nothing New

2006-06-02T10:22:00.000-05:00

Nothing interesting has happened yet today (except, I think we get to leave work early). So, here's another riddle:

What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

The Name's Bat Woman!

2006-06-01T11:50:00.000-05:00

Not because I have super-human powers or anything, but because I see like one (read: blind as a...). I've been wearing glasses since the 3rd grade. I thought they were cool back then. I didn't have to wear them all of the time and they were clear, pink and glittery. What 8 year old girl wouldn't love that?

Well, I begged and begged for contacts when I started junior high and I've been wearing them ever since. I thought that they were the greatest things ever, and still do. But some days, I seriously consider shelling out the $5,000 for lasik. Today has been one of those days.

I slept in my contacts last night. I know that I shouldn't but sometimes I forget or I'm just being lazy; but this morning when I woke up, my eyes hurt so bad. They were itching and red, but despite this fact, I still put on my usual seven layers of eye makeup (my eyes look teeny without it) as I drove to work.

They were still itching and stinging at work, so I put tons and tons of eye drops in them, all while trying not to let my makeup melt down my face. I guess I must have rubbed my eye liner too much because my contact popped out. I went to the bathroom to put it back in. I clean it with eye drops and put it back in my eye. I blink and blink, waiting for it to shift back into place, when I notice something on my shirt. I brush it off and blink and blink some more and then I realize that I still can't see. I get this sinking feeling in my stomach, drop to the ground, and frantically start searching for whatever it is that I had brushed off my shirt. You guessed it--my contact!

So, I looked one-eyed at this dirty folded piece of plastic that I have to put back in my eye (people who know me know that I have a thing about germs--I don't like 'em). But, I can't work the whole day with one eye closed and unfortunately I had left my eye patch at home today, so I did what I had to do--don't judge me. I soaked it in eye drops and then popped it in my mouth (I had read somewhere that saliva kills germs or something like that), then I put it back in my eye. My eyes are still itching and burning, but probably now for totally different reasons like pink eye or herpes infection. I just pray that I don't go blind, then I really would have to wear an eye patch. I just don't think the sexy pirate look really fits me, but maybe I'll try it on for size. Rrrrrrrr!

Tennis Lessons

2006-05-31T10:36:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am kind of an impulsive person. I think of something, get it stuck in my head, and then I have to do it right away. Well, I have a tennis racquet but have no clue what to do with it. I got it several months ago because my friend and I were going to learn how to play but never did. The fact that I never use it didn't bother me until about a month ago. I was cleaning out the trunk of my car and found it again, where it had been since like September when I failed at my first attempt at tennis. Well, ever since then, I just HAD to take tennis lessons.

I looked online and found a place that offered them and so I signed up. Well, last night, I took my first lesson. I was so excited. I went with my pretty pink racquet in hand, just waiting to display what I thought would be my one true natural talent. So, Coach Mike (which I was hoping would be a hot, blonde, 20-something, Swedish guy, but no such luck) showed us forehand and backhand stroke and then set up the practice tee. I was the fourth person "up to bat." I took my ready-stance...circled my swing...and "Clank," I hit the metal part of the tee with my pretty pink racquet instead of the ball. Coach Mike demonstrated the so-called "correct" way to hit the ball and encouraged my to try again. So, I wind up and "CLANK," I hit the tee again but this time even harder. Coach Mike just smiles and says maybe I'll get the hang of it when he starts hitting balls to us--it was a pity smile.

I was a little shocked; how dare I not be wonderful at something! To make matters worse, when I went back to stand with the group, I inspected my pretty pink racquet and there are now several dents in the frame. Stink! So, I watch everyone else go (some of which hit the tee even harder than I did). I did a bunch of practice swings and then I thought "ok, I SO get this now."

So then, its time for real balls. Coach Mike hits them to us...I see the neon yellow blur coming towards me...I get anxious...I swing...and all I get is air. A few more air balls go by; at this point, I'm starting to think that tennis may not be my forte. Coach Mike hits another ball to me, and I hit it almost perfectly (well, relatively perfectly)! After that, I had only one more air ball. He said that I just kept getting better, and I said, "Well, just look where I had to start from...anything is an improvement from airballs."

My next lesson is Thursday. We'll see how much I retain. I have absolutely no natural rhythm, so I have to think a lot about where to put my feet and how to move my arms. Coach Mike told me to follow through with my swing and I ended up hitting my own backside with the racquet. I'm not the worst one, I'm somewhere in the middle. There are these two older "Plano-ie" women (aka trophy wives) wearing these cutesy little tennis skirts showing everyone else up (okay, maybe that's just jealousy talking because I suck at tennis), but still, I have to know that I can actually hit the ball before I sink anymore money into tennis. I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Don't I Feel Dumb...

2006-05-30T12:23:00.000-05:00

Here's a riddle:

If you were running a race and you passed the runner in second place, what place would you be in?

Gracie: the Best Dog Ever!

2006-05-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

This is my dog, Gracie (who could not love those ears). She literally is the best dog anyone could ever ask for, unless you want a dog that will kill things (which I used to think I did) because she is the friendliest dog ever. I adopted her from a rescue organization in Dallas called A Different Breed. No one is sure what kind of dog she is. Some say German Shepherd mix, others say blue heeler, catahoula, pit bull...Everyone has there own opinion. I just say that she's a mix of adorable and perfect...I think that covers her well.

She does a myriad of tricks. She can sit, lay down, roll over (her favorite--she spins around in circles on her bottom and then flips herself over on her back, its great), high-five (on three different levels), shakes with both paws and knows which paws you are asking for, speaks on command, and catches her treats in the air (if she doesn't catch it then she won't go pick it up, she'll wait for me to throw it again. I swear she understands English. I tell her something and she does it. Truly a very smart and pretty dog.

She was kind of an impulse buy. I was driving and saw a sign that said pet adoptions. I was talking to a friend on the phone and told him that I was gonna go look at the puppies. He told me not to get one and I said that he was crazy, I didn't need a dog right now. Well, 30 minutes later I was lifting her into my car (not so much a puppy--5 months old, 35 pounds and huge paws, which only meant that she would get bigger).

After a kinda rocky beginning (because I was moving at the time that I got her), she turned out to be the best smartest, happiest, most obedient dog. She had kinda a few little problems though. She gets anxiety attacks and makes herself throw up. She's gotten a lot better about it and she has medication. The vet thinks that she might have been mistreated as a puppy and that a lot of rescue dogs have those kinds of problems. She hangs her head and cowers in the corner everytime I pick up a water bottle. I've never hit her with a water bottle but to this day she reacts every time.

Anyway, on to the happy stuff. She's sooo smart. She was housebroken in less than a week and had also learned her first trick. I kept her in a kennel during the day, and all I would have to say is "go home" and she would go! I've never had a good dog before. Growing up we just had disobedient or mean dogs, and you spend more time punishing them and being mad at them then playing with them. She is also so friendly and gentle with kids, but some times she doesn't realize her own strength, especially in her tail.

Anyway, she is wonderful and like my child (I guess that makes me a single mom, yikes!), so I will talk about her a lot. About 75% of the pictures on my camera are of her (though I am not as bad as Kara). Even though she's kind of a spaz sometimes, she's my spaz and I love her!

2006-05-26T08:08:00.000-05:00

So, no Sudoku puzzle today(what to do?)...I usually pick it up downstairs at the deli but I think he might have taken the day off for Memorial Day weekend because it was closed this morning. Wish I could do that, too.

I'm soooooo tired again today. My friend Ashley is in town from Austin this week and we've been living like we just turned 21 for the past couple of days. I'm old, I need my sleep. Last night we went to this dive bar that we would go to on Thursdays when she lived here because its $2-you-call-its. I call it a dive bar because I cringe every time I have to touch something, always leave reeking of cigarette smoke and with second-hand emphysema, avoid eye contact with most questionable patrons, and would never dream of going there without my mace...but its fun!

There are SOME normal people there, but the following story is not representative of that fact. Ashley and I were playing pool, and this creepy, leering man came and sat at a table near us. He would not stop watching us and I was getting really uncomfortable, and thanks to Ashley's small bladder and my very painful but very cute shoes (Thank you, Kara...I got a lot of compliments on them) I was left alone a lot. My strategy in that situation is to get on the phone and have a fake conversation (don't laugh, it works).

So, finally the creepy man gets up from the table and leaves the room. We finish playing pool and go sit down and guess who shows up again--the Creepy Man. He asks Ashley something like if we are having fun and she says yes and he says, "So, ya'll want to go have fun with me and my boys?" And, she's like, "Uhm, we'll pass," but really has that phrase ever worked for any guy. I don't care if you are Conan O'Brien (for you other people you might replace that name with Brad Pitt, etc.) , if you use that line you will get shot down every time. And, why are creepy guys the most brazen? They seem to have all the confidence in the world but absolutely no game.

Also, another fun thing about going to this bar is "critiquing" other people's outfits. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those mean girls that makes fun of other girls. Its just that sometimes you see things that are just so terribly wrong and you have to pay attention to it, negative or otherwise. I'm sure that people have said something about me before (I've let my bra straps hang out on occasion), but I've got nothing on these girls. Once there, I saw a woman in her fifties dressed head-to-toe in shredded black leather...singing karaoke...with an old man grinding against her. How could someone see that and not comment? Regardless of whether or not it makes me a bitch, its still entertaining.

2006-05-25T11:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I get pretty bored at work & needed something to occupy my idle time. So, after I've finished the Sudoku puzzle for the day, I will tell all of you about my wonderfully interesting, surprisingly dramatic life. Enjoy!